Unputdownable

Books are anathema to me. But this one is just unputdownable. A few excerpts:

An empire is like a bull market. It grows, it develops . . . often it passes into a bubble phase, when
people come to believe the most absurd things.
We don’t know what stage the American empire has reached . . . but
we look around and see so many degenerate and absurd things, we guess:
We must be nearer the end than the beginning.

This kind of madness is hard not to like; it is like an aging woman who thinks she becomes
more fetching with each passing year. The gap between perception
and reality grows wider every day, until finally, the mirror cracks.

They went to the polling stations in November 2004 and believed they
were selecting the government they wanted, when the choice had already
been reduced to two men of the same class, same age, same schooling,
same wealth, same secret club, same society, with more or less the same
ideas about how things should be run.

Each generation seems to think they are the f irst to stand upright, that
their mothers and fathers walked on four legs and howled at the moon!

Another dead man, James Madison, made it even clearer: “Democracies,”
he wrote, “have ever been spectacles of turbulence and contention;
have ever been found incompatible with personal security or the rights of
property; and have in general been as short in their lives as they have been
violent in their death.”
So, we leave you “a Republic, if you can keep it,” added Ben Franklin.
Well, we couldn’t keep it. Now, we have a curious empire, with a
constitution as flexible as its money.

Distilled information tends to be expressed as moral interdictions.
Don’t steal. Don’t lie. Don’t buy expensive stocks or sell cheap ones. Don’t
expect to get something for nothing. Don’t neglect your spouse. Don’t forget
St. Patrick’s day. Don’t spend too much. Don’t eat too fast. Don’t drink
before 6 PM. Don’t mess around with the boss’s wife. Each don’t represents
lessons learned by previous generations. For every don’t, there must be a
million sorry souls burning in Hell.

American spending created a boom in China, where the average person
works in a sweatshop, lives in a hovel, and saves 25 percent of his earnings.Meanwhile, in the United States, the average man lives in a house he can’t pay for, drives a car he can’t afford, and waits for the next shipment from Hong Kong for distractions he can’t resist. He saves nothing and believes the Chinese will lend him money forever, on the same terms.

Lesser mortals

When asked to drop them for the vittaldas bhajan I shrugged a bit and then agreed to, and ended up sitting through it. It was not my kind of thing to be doing- or so i thought. I felt external manifestation of devotion is a farce, till I realized that it was the safest thought to help lead a selfish life without being accused of irreverance or blasphemy. I still do not buy the logic behind some orthodox beliefs and practices in the name of god. But at the same time, I have grown to realise that I have been taking Him for granted. One should either be an atheist or a believer and there are no two ways about it. Seeking His help when need be and assuming that the other conscious acts of sin during the 'not so needy' times will be pardoned, shows how small a man can be ... and yet he is forgiven. I have been attending the morning Harinamasankeertanams - bhajan like (for those who are not aware of the terminology) during the December music season at Chennai. What began as an involuntary participation turned out to be quite blissful as time passed. I still dont believe the thousands who gather there, physically absolved of all dirt, are pure at heart or even anywhere close to it. But when He (vittaldas), not a singer from any plausible angle, renders some pieces and has the crowd rechanting the same after him, he sure does make an impact on even the least mortals sitting out there, pretending to not be affected by the ambience- like me. For that 60 odd mins, the world around me seemed like ether. No sooner did I proclaim staunch disbelief in such public devotional discourses than I realised my lips had already started singing after him. I am not pious.. I dont think I will ever be.

I dont know what reason each one has to offer when they gather there at 6am every morning. For me, its simple. When I sing aloud along with the million others, I feel I vent out all my sadness, happiness, frustration, pain .. joy.. no matter whatsoever. Amidst the crowd I enjoy my solitude. I do not know what bhakti means to others. For me it is starting to define a new trajectory. The more I spend time in such activities, the more i start respecting my inner conscience. Sometimes I feel I should stop it, for I have started to fear my inner conscience. Dont really have the guts to take it 'for granted' anymore. I have been selfish all through. I still am.

Following has been borrowed from another source:

'the only kingdom that runs on right and wrong is the kingdom of heaven and the kingdoms of the earth run on oil.To know the truth is one thing. To live it ..to create the kingdom of heaven on earth is another. How many times in a man's life does he do things that are repulsive to his morality in order to exist? How I have admired those few men in this world who would stand up for their convictions in the face of shame, torture and even death. What a wonderful feeling of inner peace they must have. Something that we ordinary mortals can never have.'

RIP

Just felt like writing this.

I don’t know if it was their fault or the lorry driver’s fault . or was it just fate that it had to happen… I don’t want to sound like a nanny by writing what I am going to write below.

All of us have been there.. done that. Those rides.. that speed.. the josh the ripping and racing. Probably it was the age.. or no matter anything for that matter. Not that we are any older now. Just that we don’t get the time and chance to do many things we did some time back. The impulse to just go on a long at the wee hours.. the impulse to rip it – just because you felt like it- the impulse to touch the 3 digit in the speedometer… the impulse to just try out something that your heart says… the impulse to listen to the heart over mind. We were glad we did it. We were glad we listened to the heart because we lived to experience it and cherish it later on. Had it been otherwise… you never know.

I still am one of those impulsive natured people… do it because I feel like it. But I am starting to realize.. that may be sometimes in life we need to learn to put a speed breaker.. we need to realize what’s really worth it and what’s not. Guess its time we start valuing our lives and start loving it. because its not just our lives that we risk by being adventurous, its all the effort put in by our near and dear ones into our upbringing. We put so much at stake.. so many people’s happiness at stake by doing something that we feel is cool and out of the box. We can be adventurous, but not beyond a point where we blind ourselves to reality. Personally I feel it’s cool to drive by myself when the office offers a cab facility after I work late hours. I feel it’s cool to just go on a long after a sleepless night and keep going, oblivious to your destination and return back on the same day not realizing it might take a toll on your system. Sometimes when there is already a warning about the weather, I feel it’s cool to take a plunge in the ocean or risk the rains in the dark. Sometimes when I see the green arrow slowly fading into the amber ball, I feel the urge to rip it and make it before the amber turns red. All, or at least most of us would’ve felt similar things and done similar stuff.

These incidents happen. They shall pass. We shall return to our original state of bliss in no time. Not that we forget them but we don’t learn from them.

When our parents or any others prevent us from doing something, I know we feel so cocooned and so damn tied up. May be they do it for a reason. It’s probably because they value all the time effort energy and love that they have invested over these years. Let’s start valuing it before it’s too late. It’s not a big thing to do. It’s not a mammoth task. All we need to do is to love ourselves more . . . because when we do that we value everything associated with us.

By refraining from doing whacky stuff there is no guarantee that things will change. There is always ‘fate’ and ‘destiny’ to blame when some things beyond our control happen. It’s the safest haven that most of us resort to when things don’t happen the way we intend them to. But we can always try. We can think twice .. just twice before we do something. All we need to do is convince ourselves that what we do is really worth it. If there is a safer and better option , go for it. Remember, we are not chickens just because we choose not to be impulsive.

After one such incident 2 years before I decided not to do risky things… but the decision was short-lived. This time again, it comes as an indirect message to me and many others who were and are spared of such tragedies. I have not made a decision or resolution yet. I do not want to make any. I just hope my mind wins over the heart the next time life poses a chance or opportunity. Because it’s very easy to sit inside the safe protected walls and make resolutions. When the real moment arrives, all of us are driven by temptation and desire. I hope I’ll love myself to the extent that I don’t risk it for the so-called dares that chance might pose. We have all been amazing creatures so far. That many lives become miserable in our absence stands testimony to the statement. Let’s not be selfish.

‘When I was 20, I thought my mother knew nothing, when I turned 26 I was stunned to see the amount she had learnt in the last few years”

Screw the driver

I attended 2 weddings and one 60^th wedding last weekend. I was arguably the only one of my age group in the weddings (barring the first circle relatives). I tried proving the point to my amma that these occasions are not for me to attend and its for them (the married lot).I had to make her understand that I am not being disrespectful if I don’t attend such boring gatherings .. in which case she concluded that my generation is such and I shouldn’t be following suit.She was trying to put across the point that only if I attend such gatherings will I find a nice groom. Unfortunately - I am being found by the groom’s parents and my parents don’t share the same luck as none of the prospects are as jobless as I am. That deprives me of the little possible NSP's (Nayan sukh praapthi). And I would definitely not pick my groom by looking at his parents.

The worst of the lot – All the oldies who are too sick and tired of life and depressed over the lack of importance given in their respective families find solace in such gatherings where I am being made to sit amidst all of them and render divine classical compositions. Actually this is not the worst thing. Rather, I like doing it. At least I am of some use. Probably this is the only sensible thing I could be doing in such gatherings. The older lot is much safer than the prying eyes of the middle aged.

I have decided. I am going to teach my father to drive the car. I usually dislike the concept of multiple handling of a single vehicle. But I guess I must resign to it now. For I shall be spared of a few such occasions in future which I am not now as I am the only driver. Lord!!!!! I badly need a screwdriver- to fix things :P

Home or away - the grass is always greener

.. the feeling of getting up at 8 in the morning.. not knowing what or where to eat.. and whether to eat or not.. the feeling of just going out at 10 for a walk with someone or no one at all. The feeling of going somewhere.. deciding whether to return or not. The feeling of deciding to watch the silliest of movies.. at the oddest of hours. ..the feeling of being clumsily clad and running out of clothes to wear.. the feeling of satisfaction when you refrain from choosing a wrong path when you very well know that the choice is all yours and there is nothing or rather no one to fear..the feeling of sitting for late hours at work simply because there is no work at home.. but it goes into the good books of the boss who thinks you like being at work.. the feeling of opening your eyes in the morning only when you feel like.. the feeling of making new friends, (purely because there is no one else).. and loving every moment of being with this newly made friend very well knowing that this will last only till either of you decide to shift the job…the feeling of being single.. the joy of solitude which drives you crazy at times.. the feeling of planning a weekend trip to the Mars or Venus.. finally… the feeling of actually planning to go back home to visit the family.. which would seem so much more fonder than what is the case with familiarity.

I miss 'em all.

(No body stops me from doing any of the above now, but I just don't 'feel' like it ......)

Bloodventurous

Hope you are not in the same 'well' as I am. My boss treated us for his first anniversary today. On my way back I saw this board on my company building lift 'Blood donation camp at Flowserve office 3rd floor' . Like a noble soul I entered the office and got my self declared fit to go ahead. I created a raucous as usual on seeing the size of the needle. Looked like a veterinary needle. I felt the blood drain out of my body and slowly started getting weak. After the show was over I was served some apple juice and bananas. Before I could figure out if it was banana or something else the world was spinning around me I fell flat on the floor. I don't remember what happened after that. When I woke up I saw myself lying on a vague bed on the floor amidst Flowserve employees glued to their desktops oblivious to the poor soul which ought to have been slogging in the 8TH floor inside the Irevna office. I saw some lady doctors asking if I was fine and I proudly replied that I was perfect. It was the sheer embarrassment and I so badly wanted to transform myself into a bee and fly to my floor. No sooner was I up on my feet than the blood refused to reach my brain and I was thrown into the unconscious mode again. My BP was 80/60 and my pulse wouldn't improve. I was so full after the chocolate truffle and paneer tikkas in the treat but the doctors refused to believe it. I was forced to gulp a couple of bananas and 'maa' apple juice. It was quite a day for the hapless Flowserve employees. Thank god I was in a salwar today. Else I would've had many more helper boys around. After yet another unconscious phase I woke up with a halo of enlightment light. This time I thought I would just leave the place without attracting attention. I walked towards the door and I tried hard to place my hands on the handle bar, but I felt so stoned. It was all there but i couldn't grab it. I again woke up , but this time there were no stares. Probably the employees were immune to my momentary hibernation modes. I had the lady doctors sitting around me trying to motivate my blood pressure to rise. And slowly my pulse improved and my BP rose. It was the best motivational speech ever. I could feel the blood gushing into my head. This time I was brewing with confidence and energy. I had to, for I was the first to lie on the bed and last to leave the venue. The camp beds and equipments were removed and the office was back to work. I had to flee from that floor and couldn't wait for the lift to come to the third floor.The donation certificate was the last thing I wanted. I climbed to the fourth floor and took the lift from there to the 8th floor. I felt so relieved. I was seeing my colleagues after ages. Nobody seemed to have even noticed my absence. Nevertheless, I was alive and strong.
After a long weekend, I decided to work sincerely. Man can only propose.

I am advised to eat properly and rest. Good night.

:P

Why does it always rain on me

Am at my ebb. Dunno what has led me to this trough. I have never felt less confident ever before. Whatever I do turns out to be wrong. What seems insignificant to me catches the wrong eye. Winning constantly makes a person so alien to disappointment and defeat. I am finding a source of motivation to start a new day and the search seems to last for eternity. This probably is God's way of conveying that vantage is ephemeral. But do I really have to prove myself to anyone? It is yet to dawn and I shall wait. At the end of the day 'The winner takes it all'.

Vietnamese?.... merci bien

I have to share my experience over the phone with a Vietnamese guy. I called the Ministry of Finance of Vietnam regarding the information that I required for a world bank report. I was surprised they actually responded and gave me the cell number of the person in charge for Finance. The first call was to the receptionist (invariably a lady) who seemed to understand my accent. She couldn’t understand the word mutual and asked me to explain the meaning. Imagine – explaining the word mutual to a Vietnamese in Indian English. Thankfully she realized she was the wrong person and directed me to another guy. This time she had to spell out numbers and hence the job wasn’t very difficult. But took her ten minutes to make me understand how to dial this number and what codes to use. Nevertheless was not a bad encounter.

Now comes the most hilarious phone call in my lifetime. This guy called Kiem (khhhhaaayyyiieem .. they pronounce it. Initially I felt he was sneezing at me) picks up the phone. He was pleased to be talking to an Indian (which took me 5 mins to convey). I never tried to make him understand my name. He somehow conveyed to me that he was out of office and wanted me to send him a mail with the required data points. He said “hwaaangteeeekhyaaam@ mooov. Gooof.vveeyen” ..@#!$@$%#$%#$ Wished outlook had sound recognition system to type in mail IDs. Then I resorted to the Hari Saadhu style.

H for hongkong

O for ok

Aaai for iiishiahds (thought he said “I”)

M for member (it was actually N for number)

G for juuuuddd (he was happy with G for God finally)

T for Tea (t for t.. I kept asking t for.. t for… not realizing t for tea)

I for India

E for egg

T for T

K for kong in the hongkong

I for India

E for egg

M for money @mof.gov.vn

Now that was his name. 30 mins exactly on my watch. And 10 pairs of eyes staring at me in the floor.

After all this I had to call him once again as this was a wrong ID. Huh. He was damn kind and laughed out loud in the end. The third letter AAAI was actually A.

Huh, our cross cultural mgt classes should’ve had such sessions. Then I broke my head whether to write Dear Mr.Kiem / Hi Mr.Kiem/ Mr.Kiem/ Mr Haongtietkiem..

Now if I don’t get a reply from him… God save me.

23

Nah.. Its not any movie in the making.

My day began in the theatre- Sathyam to be precise. When i booked the tickets for night show I was thinking if it was be a wrong show to have booked. Was wondering if I would end up disturbing the people around with the calls that I'd receive at midnight for my B'day. But then, not many called. Got to watch the movie peacefully only to be reminded later that not many remembered my birthday :(

After all it's just another day. My folks have never given special importance to these kinda occasions. My dad shies to wish me..lol- cute. I don't think he did .. not that it mattered the least to me. I love him. Wore a kurta which was waiting for it's turn for inauguration. One of my dear friends had come home to wish me. I gobbled some rice and drove to office. I have this weird embarrassment when people wish me on my birthday. I either end up wishing them the same :) or stand still at a loss for words with a horribly plastic smile. Thanks to my company's online portal for making it as public as possible forcing tons of asinine expressions.

I was glued to the phone, receiving calls from people who on any other day would not qualify as anything more than a faintly remembered acquaintance. People count keeps increasing every year and the time that i get to talk to or spend with my dear ones keeps decreasing. My dearest friend met me in the noon. Spent a couple of minutes in front of the office. A hug , a wish and then a bye.

Back to desk. My college mate cum colleague did make my day interesting with his surprise black forest and some printed matter that has always been and hopefully will not continue to be anathema to me.

Before I realized I was 23 , I stepped into 24. . . 3 dots and time is flying by.

Get smart - Well I'm already

Hilarious is not the word.
Ideal beginning to the weekend. A must watch if you haven't already. 21 is next on the cards.


Till then.

Will my skin gloo?

Mama says 5 litres of water a day keeps the skin glowing. I do not know if my skin will glow, but 2 litres down and this is my 7th visit to the loo.

Rise and Fall

Unbearable pain. Trying to force its way out. But the world within is too dark and deadly. No space, No room. Constant grind. Constant input. The Unwanted get expelled right away. Only the fittest survive. It's blood shed around here. Now and then a solid metallic knock and a blinding ray of light. It's the halo of wisdom.

No sooner did my wisdom tooth rise than the dentist fixed the date for its removal. Yet another discovery - My teeth structure is devoid of the second molars. An average human is supposed to have 2 molars and the third one being the wisdom tooth. I became a subject of experiment at the clinic today when the doctor discovered this strange dental formation. My life is never short of surprises-usually on the mental front, this time on the dental.

Cheers!!!

Alma mater turns lucky for the wrong reasons

Its KKR vs RR.

Irevna arranged a bulk booking for the Chennai vs Rjasthan IPL match (May 24th). I blocked 4 against my name . The company arranged for a lucky draw whereby ten names would be picked for 1 free ticket/ name. Its not just a simple lot system. They had framed certain metrics based on the KKR vs RR match such as -
- Total number of catches in the match x 2
- Highest strike rate /5
- Total number of extras etc etc....
There were totally 73 irevnites who had booked tickets against their names. Ten lucky ones to get a ticket free. And to my sheer disbelief three of them turned out to be BIMites.

Gnanasundaram (thanks to yousuf pathan's strike rate), Arun sai (BIM 21) for extras and my serial number was 14 : 7 catches in the match so 7x2=14 . Lol. isn't that cool. I get my ticket sponsored and gotta pay only for the remaining 3 that i booked for my folks. And the lazy Nano and Sai get their sole ticket sponsored.

So who is luckier. They or i ???? Now thats a million dollar question. :D

Adventures of me post baptism

Long time.Hope life's treating you well. My training period is over and I was proved wrong in assuming that training is honeymoon period. Was made to slog a bit. Got a project with -------------. My analyst is ---------. Looks like a chink. He gave a stinker feedback of my sample report. So used to being appreciated for most of the works done hitherto, this came as a not so welcome shock to my ego. 'Welcome to Corporate world'. Was reminded of P.Sudarshan (PAPC). For a moment I thought I should leave the company and start my own business. Glad he decided to continue with me. He thinks I'll improve down the line. Let him think. He believes my summers in Infra sector will help me track the construction and Infrastructure industry in---------------. LOL. Somebody should take the initiative to enlighten the world as to what we MBA s doing during our course and summers. Anyways, now I have to build a model for the top 3 engg design companies in -------------- should see the mails we write – "Hope you are doing good… Looking forward to work with you…. Hope it'll be a learning experience…. I would love to take up extra responsibilities.. Hope I am not disturbing you.. When can I call you…" !@#!@$@!#$. Working with Indians is much simpler. They may not respect you but at least you know they are not happy when they say – YOU LADY… Look what you've done!!!.

Let's move on to the lighter side. Am driving my car all around the city now. Was proud of my driving skills and maneuvering ability TILL THIS MORNING. One half naked cyclist caused a big scratch mark on my black carL. Once I knew that the car hit him I kept moving … hence a long strait white color mark. L This happened on Doraisamy subway. Tnagar (one of the busiest areas… for those who do not know). This man then parks his Ferrari right in front of my car…in the middle of the road… and starts shouting "Naaaye.. unakku ottaa theryiyaadu… Adichitu nee maatuku poittee irukka.. Naaaye..!@#$$!$ !@#$!@#$#@$ " . NO TRANSLATION FOR THOSE WHO DON'T UNDERSTAND THIS.

I kept mum. What else could I do? Daddy says "The onus is always on the bigger vehicle" Tatas should make cars smaller than cycles. Am starting to learn things the harder way. : P

That was not quite the lighter side.

Saw the first Chennai match in Chepauk stadium. Chennai vs Mumbai. A group of 15 BIMites.. BIM 22 and 21. Going for the match on 24^th vs Rajasthan Royals. Irevna is booking tickets. Had an induction party in Raintree Hotel. 23rd I have a team Party at The Accord. So life's not all that bad for me. Took Nano & Shilpi for a drive to Praggy's house to collect our sweatshirts. Hit Abhi;s place on the way back. Not much of BIM meets but for these. Bala came to our office. Thankfully it was lunch time and not many people were there. He missed a good sight. The girls here are quite pretty.

RK is not happy with the money and he is looking at something really BIG (I meant an entrepreneurship venture GUYS). So his day goes away in Dabbawala thoughts. In fact he disappears after lunch. Busy with business deals. : P. Nano comes and leaves as he likes. Shilpi studies for her CFA. Ulti is busy in the next building. When asked as to what he was doing this is what he had to say "Research on option pricing formula assuming non-gaussian distribution without dynamic hedging and analyzing volatility models under conditionally heteroskedastic stochastic processes". In short.. Googling. I actually thought he was was doing that. ITS ULTI AND HE IS CAPABLE OF It

Gotta go now. FavORITE show on TV.

TN 10 U - 6728

Am high on Alto ego.

There is always a last time

The more I see the less i know
the more i like to let it go....




There is always a first time.. they say. But at this point in time 'last time' seems more appropriate.

When I hurried this morning to block the last available IIIrd AC seat in Pallavan Express to CHennai on 13-04-2008 it seemed like the last time I would be searching for TPJ- MAS in IRCTC.

When I washed my clothes in bulk and meticulously hung them on the fence it seemed like the last time i would be doing it.Thanks to the advanced technology at home but Im surely gonna miss my washing stone.

When I packed my stuff this noon and stuffed them into my suitcase it seemed like the last time.

When my bathroom bulb gave way (n+1)th time today.. it seemed like the last time and i decided not to fix it this time around.

When I could smell the rain .. a respite from the summer heat.. i felt like it was the last rain and was reminded of the first rain

When I got a chance to drive on the highway in the dark... which definitely was my first time.. it still felt like the last time. Isnt it ironic

When I jammed on BIM street haplessly and cluelessly loud.. i felt like it was the last time

When I poured buckets of water in my sweet haven to beat the heat and repose in peace I really felt like it was the last time I would get to sleep like that...

Will this be my last blog during my time here?

Final Trimester

First day of the last trimester. 2 years have flown like ether .. and by the time i turn back it will have been 2 years from now. i step into this trime with mixed feelings... and a million questions. will these be my last days as a student? will i ever get to lead the callous life again? will the next few days be the happiest or the saddest days of my life? in the end of it.. will i really be missed by anyone or miss anyone after getting out of this halloween portal? for all i know.. the next time i read this blog the first signs of grey would start to peep out.

and yeah... happy new year ..2008.

Breakfast at Ooty?

for those who have read my previous posts: this is an invite for lunch at Shinkows, Ooty

Guess 1 hour at ooty is all i get to spend, in each visit of mine to this forbidden place . This time around we(nish koks deepa nan and myself) drove to ooty from coimbatore via coonoor. It was all fine when we started at 7 am. 'so far so good' but not for too long. once we hit the ghats the engine radiator started heating up. didnt seem worth worrying in the beginning. the first 2 halts (for the engine to take a leak) was just another excuse for us to pose at different angles and try and avoid hill sickness. the third pitstop was a never ending leak for the car. that was when we realised that something was actually wrong. time was already 9 and breakfast was getting cold at nan's place in coonoor( atleast 30 odd kms to go ) and our stomachs were grumbling. Like a Messiah there appeared a man who arranged for a mechanic only to find out that the fan was not working (simplified version of what i could decipher from the automotive language and terms that were being spoken). a temporary fan was fit to the car. we hit coonoor at 12 for breakfast. the serene tea estates and the flawless winding roads were quite a feast for the eye. The food disappeared in no time. we left for ooty and hit Shinkows (famous chinese restaurant). We can always make space to dump in over and over again... cant we? By the time we could finish lunch the plains beckoned.

whats next? how about breakfast at ooty?