Magical moments

Of late, I see myself diving into thoughts concerning human relationships and the purpose of our existence on earth. I know it sounds too deep to be true, but I see a visible difference in my attitude towards life and all that it brings with it. Unfortunately enough, I also see myself getting lesser excited about the small things, that used to make my day. I tend to look at the bigger picture in everything I see or do. Missing a last minute show, or backing out of a trip with friends, or skipping a dinner out with colleagues don’t make me as upset as they used to, before. Nothing really upsets me anymore for that matter. The alternate is never too bad for me and I seem happy enough to settle for it. Maybe it’s the marriage effect, maybe it’s the fact that the number of people that have entered into my life to occupy very significant positions have instantaneously doubled in just a span of a few months. If I could address my pre marriage life as “past”, and the other as “post”, all of a sudden I feel as though the past is fading away and I am too inextricably tied up with the post. It makes me feel as if my parents have entered a new leg of their lives, and every passing day increases the fear of the lesser time I have with me to spend with them. Sometimes I feel I have so much ahead of me to go and grab, so much to learn at work, so much to make out of the available time in hand, so much to achieve and by the time I come out of that thought or dream, I realize this world is so small and the time is so little. I don’t know why I started off on such a heavy note, which was never the intention of this post. Nevertheless, last weekend I had the chance of singing with my music gang at a function in tanjore. I had no clue how much I missed going to the music practice sessions, endless food and gossip and of course music. Quite sad that I couldn’t participate as much in the post as in the past. So when this date fell on a weekend, that too an offsite event, I couldn’t miss it for anything under the sun. This post is not to describe the trip as such, but deserves a few words on it. The function was good, the dip in the Cauvery was fun, so was the museum and manmadan ambu. We share a special chemistry between us, and it’s just not possible to confine it to a few words. As all good things had to come to a close, we started on our way back. My train was at 7.15 to bangalore, rockfort, in which the rest of the gang were to leave , was at 8.30 and my amma appa had to leave by the 10pm train to chennai. We got late in leaving from home, and hence I could not join the gang for dinner. Thus, the plan was to drop me off at the station and then the rest would go for dinner. Suddenly it dawned on me that I was not returning home with amma appa. In all these 25 years, there has not been a trip where we departed together, but headed to different destinations. It was really heavy to see my parents stay back in the van when I had to get dropped at the station. With a mixed feeling I grabbed a bite of dinner at a nearby stall and headed towards my platform , with 10 mins to go for the mayiladuthurai-mysore express to arrive. There was no way they would finish dinner and come in time to see me off. Usha aunty joined me as she was prohibited from having outside food for a few days for some ritualistic reasons. She and I were yapping about some random topic, waiting for the train to come. The train arrived on time, 7:10 and was to leave at 7:15. I found my seat and placed my luggage there and came out to continue my discussion with her till the train actually left. The wait seemed unusually long and I realized the train was actually delaying its departure. The 5 min supposed halt became 10 and then 15, when my dad called to say they had left the hotel and were almost reaching the station. A sudden craving to see my mom one more time before I left, had flooded my heart. Got to know the train had to wait till another oncoming train could reach the tanjore station, and thereby clear the path, which was a single track. I prayed for every minute to be longer than 60 secs and wished and prayed for the oncoming train to take a few more mins to arrive. Usha aunty was constantly talking about some issue, but my mind was all focused on the two trains: one next to me, and the one whose arrival would mean my train’s departure. I suddenly heard a horn, a loud one and felt all the adrenaline rush into my head. For a moment I was happy that It was not my trains’ signal to leave, but the very next moment I was sad as I realized the other train was fast approaching the station. I immediately heard my phone ring. It was my dad telling me that they had reached the station. I didn’t have much time with me as the route was now clear and my train would signal its departure any moment. I was sure my mom wouldn’t make it in time to collect her luggage from the van and reach my platform, and my coach. For a moment I actually thought “I wish I could see her once before I leave.. if I do.. god is great”. It was past 7:25, a 10 minute delay already, and this is not a usual affair for short distance trains. Alas, I heard my train honk, as loud as possible, and I couldn’t believe I had to board the train without seeing my mom. It started moving, faster than a train would usually move after a halt, or so it seemed to me. I then said to myself, that this was not my last journey, and that I was to see her the very next weekend for new years’. And I got onto the moving train, stood at the doorstep, and looked out for one last time to see I could spot her in the crowd. The train was moving faster and I couldn’t see anyone. When I was almost about to turn back and head towards my seat, I saw someone running at an unusually fast pace towards me.. it was my mom. I yelled out at her so that she could spot me. She was running aimlessly along with the running train hoping to catch a glimpse, not even knowing my coach number. Thankfully she heard me too and stopped after she saw me .. I screamed at her asking her to stop running and then waved a goodbye. I could see her smile, panting her soul away, and waving a goodbye. We waved at each other till we got smaller and smaller and out of sight in the end. I just stood there for a while, stunned at how beautiful life was. It seemed as though the train waited just for me. Just enough for us to see each other, not more, not less, and that was all I had asked and wished for. I started to believe, if we actually wish for something from the deepest and truest of our hearts, it cannot possibly be denied by anybody. My eyes were filled with tears as I realized how much we loved each other, and how it was growing exponentially, especially in the “post”. I went back to my seat, and as I wiped my cheeks, I got a call from Giri who was waiting for me to get back, and called to say how much he missed me the last 2 days. I immediately smiled at the thought of yet another new day ahead. I fell in love with life all over again. Now when I pen this post, I feel aimless again, but I know that this shall pass. Time is too strange to comprehend..