So close, yet so far
I had just about 4 weeks in hand to prepare for my fitness and to gather the required items as per the never ending info checklist (that's what I thought then). Started my runs/jogs/walks and not until a week before the trek could I manage to do 4 kms in about 35 mins, including walks and jogs. But I was sure I could never manage to run 4 kms continuously, and hence settled for this. Much later in this blog, I shall highlight the importance of whatever little I managed to prepare in terms of fitness.
March 21, it was, finally. Ranjit, Neeru, Giri and I reached the Bangalore airport, sweating and drained in the Bangalore early summer, only to be welcomed by the comparatively cooler Delhi weather that night. India had won the IPL against Pakistan and Delhi roads were filled with crackers and dance and drunk men and women proceeding to the after party. A good night's sleep in Dehradun express was followed by a cooler Dehradun morning where we started gathering nearing the BP Bunk, with batches of Har Ki Dun and KK introducing themselves, whilst a few men (no names here :)) were seemingly getting more and more disappointed at the gender ratio, or imbalance, if I may call it so (:P).
We four were in a cab to be joined by a 5th Mani, who was later termed Mountain goat, by the end of the trek. We set for Sankri, which seemed like a never ending destination. Tired that we were, we slept through most of the journey till we halted at "Eatwell Restaurant". We really ate well there! Har Ki Dun and KK were still together. Post Purola, the roads were actually bad and quite winding and we had the first sight of snow clad peaks shortly after. We couldnt believe it when the driver named one of those peaks as kedarkantha. It seemed like a peak beyond the LoC!!
I am eternally awed by the mystery of mountains. When you approach it , it feels like forever, and when you leave them behind, you do so in seconds with a lump in your throat. There is not start, no end, they go winding round and round and you cross one range to the other. The same mountains present their majestic peaks every now and then and vanish when you take the next hairpin bend. I can go on and on, and I can simply stare out of the window for hours and still not be bored.
Coming back to our journey, we started following river Yamuna (Yamunaji as the localities address with such respect and reverence) and soon after, the Tons which wagged its tail along with us, loyally, till the end. Water was quite shallow, probably the first melting of snow. Wish we could take some time and walk to the shores, but we were told Sankri is quite far and couldn't waste anytime in the middle on such rather aimless wishes. Alas! We finally reached Sankri, a rather quaint little village with a few houses and stalls on both sides of the road. We were soon greeted by a large, tall Sardar- "Indiahikes- KK? Hi, This is Saranbir from Indiahikes, welcome to Sankri". We felt good.
It was a rather long journey and we didn't mind being allotted rooms immediately, and quickly grabbed the keys. No sign of mobile connection and I knew, we were quite far from civilization and I liked the feeling. Power was quite uncertain there, and hence I quickly started repacking for the trek when there was sunlight. From then on, it was more like an army drill. We had to respond to Bir's whistle, to eat, to sleep, to wake up, even to attend nature's call :) That's how we interpreted initially, but had it not been for that discipline, we would have never made it to the summit. Thanks Bir. It was around 6pm. We had to gather for a quick intro session at 6:30pm. It was a fun session where we had to submit our medical certificates and disclaimers. Probably the first time I signed a disclaimer holding no one responsible for my death, if at all, during the trek. Rashesh, who was the Har Ki Dun TL, gave an intro speech about Indiahikes followed by Bir who spoke a few words on the group, the trek, the difficulty levels, the do's and don'ts. I wont elaborate too much here, else there wouldn't be any surprise for future trekkers. Was followed by an introduction of the ATLs. I don't think we had any clue of what roles these ATLs would play during the next 5-6 days. Didn't register any of the co-trekkers names, but formed broader gangs such as the Freescale gang - Superboss Subin, boss Atul and employee Manish (affectionately addressed as Pandeyji), Dad son - Kiran and Dhaval (Till we met, we all thought Dhaval was coming with his 50 yr old mom Kiran :D), the sisters Viji (with ski glasses) and Sukanya, physics master Madhu who came in his canvas shoes (I was wondering how he would manage it given his age, and a bad shoe- sorry Madhu, i was wrong), funny Goldy and childhood friend Rishi, Mihir and Yashica (who were our buddies even after the trek when we did rishikesh rafting with them), Mallu pals Melwin and Anandu and some single people like Mountaingoat Mani, Ankur etc.
We had to wake up to Birs whistle at 6 am and get going. That was a good night's sleep and Sankri was quite cold, colder than what we had expected and Bir said "this is hot, compared to kk base", I was instantly thrilled. Cold always gives me a kick.
All dressed, all geared, all set taking pics in bright morning light, Giri and I volunteered to be the documentation people for the day 1 trek. For the first time I took note of the ATLs because they formed our boundary, the lead, the sweeper. I stuck to Ravi who was to help me identify landmarks. I happily missed each landmark gaping at the Swargarohini peak, the water fall, the apple orchard, and Ravi would silently tap me with a smile and say" Sowmya, did you notice the wooden bridge? and I would go "Is it? Did we even cross one?" Day 1 was definitely steep and tiring. A bunch of us were always the quickies in the trek - Pandeyji, Atul, Dhaval, Mani- they continued to be so till the end. A batch of us were always the laggers - Rishi, Giri, Goldy, myself at times, and were tremendously satisfied. The first sight of snow, where there was patches of dirty old ice here and there, brought such smile and joy to most of our faces; least did we know what the next 3 days had to offer in terms of snow and whiteness. We halted for maggi and gorged like no tomorrow followed by tea.
We started again for the last lap of the day, which was mostly walking on snow trails. I was so engrossed in watching my footsteps, looking for landmarks, that it never struck me to turn around and have a look at the wonderful peaks. And when I did, I had no words to describe the beauty. It still hadn't dawned on me that I was actually in one of the relatively unexplored, virgin parts of the Himalayas. I have a reasonable travel experience in the Himalayas, 70% known hill stations and 30% quaint areas. But this was definitely beyond those, because during the 4 days I probably saw 2-3 human beings apart from the trek related souls, and that quite explains how virgin this part of the massive Himalayas was. The final lap of the day's trek was quite difficult at almost a 70 degree slope, but the sight of Juda Ka Talab 2775m board provided the necessary adrenaline to reach the camp site.
I was among the early ones there, settled at the tent and could already smell food. Hungry that we were, we ran to the kitchen upon Bir's lunch whistle and gorged like gorillas. This meal, I repeat, this meal could have been the end of story for me, if not for God's mercy.
Giri started complaining of uneasiness a while later, and we were quite convinced this was mountain sickness as his 1 1 1 test didnt pass. (1 hour 1 disprin 1 liter of water, for the benefit of readers). He started shivering and puking. Bir was still confident it was not mountain sickness and was extremely motivating. He was almost a doctor for some of us, and a positive doctor who claimed no illness for whatever symptoms "Puke, you feel better. But dont sleep for more than 15 mins"." Headache? Mild? 1 1 1 test? All fine, go back to your tent" "uneasy? stomach ache? sorry you are not returning, you are coming with us to the top - next patient please!!" Thanks again Bir. I stayed with giri in the tent and was quite decided on returning the next day. Thanks to Sukanya to my left, who was continuously throwing up and Goldy to my right with Ila who were also decided on returning, I was mentally convinced that I'd join them too. I didn't want to take a risk, knowing well that Giri didn't like heights, cold - and largely because he agreed to come only because of me. No regret, no qualm I prayed that the night should pass well so that we set off the next day back to Sankri. Giri was in such bad shape, that Neeru and Ranjeet, our cousins also decided to call it off and accompany us. I fell asleep beside Giri to be woken up by Bir in 30 mins asking us to have something for dinner. I hated Bir at that point in time as the last thing we wanted was food. But Bir, that he is, was quite clear that we had atleast a roti. With great difficulty we moved out of the tent and slowly reached the kitchen by when the dinner was over and the trekkers had gone back to their tents or campfires. The staff at JKD were so hospitable that they made us sit with them inside their tent, and served us food from their share, some hot water, sat beside us to ensure we were fine and made us eat something at least. I must tell at this point, that little food made a hell of a difference the next morning. For nothing would have been available if we were hungry in the middle of the night. Giri instantly felt better and for a moment we both looked at each other and said " We are going to the top tomorrow, no matter what". That night, when I thought it was all well and set, trouble started for me. The gorging of maggi and subzi and roti, chaval dal that noon started showing their colors. I didn't know that less oxygen higher up affects digestion and hence the body can take only so much food. Needless to say what transpired the next few hours. It was a splendid morning for the rest of the trekkers. Goldy felt better, the mallu sisters felt better, even giri felt better and I was on a puke spree. But Dr.Bir asked his usual questions - headache? cramps? stomach ache? nothing and only puke? you are good to go!!. " It was also my first interaction with the ATL SJ, who offered an antacid and digene, which I promptly puked 5 mins later. When I was about to pack my bags and look ahead at Sankri, my final throw up turned my destiny in favor of kk peak!. As Dr Bir correctly said, I felt perfect and instantly decided to move on. That moment, is nothing but God's mercy. I can't explain in more words. Months of planning, booking tickets, preparing , purchasing, packing, dreaming would have shattered if not for that single miraculous moment.
That day, I was in the best of trekking fitness and spirits. I marched ahead in good pace, and was almost ahead of most people, feeling fine as ever, and taking with me , the first major lesson - never to eat more than what the body required. Never again in the days that followed did i have anything more than 1 roti! and I felt just perfect.
It was an entirely snow trek, but fresh snow and hence walking was relatively easy. When I reached KK Base camp, I almost had a standing ovation. To an extent that the rain gods showered their appreciation an it started snowing.
My first snow experience. At first it was too cold and we ran into our tents. But then, it struck me that it was rather foolish to stay indoors and i instantly set out with my poncho to enjoy the snow shower, the lovely snowclad mountain view around, the pine trees filled with snow, it was white at its purest, nature at its best. When you trek, you only trek. Atleast for first timers like me, you tend to miss the lovely sights during the trek. So this was such a welcome surprise to stand and look around and enjoy, let it sink in. Hands were freezing and I decided to get indoors. Once I got lucky, and didn't want to take a second chance. We had to break for lunch, and the walk to the kitchen, walk to the toilet tent, any walk out there was so arduous. Feet got wet, the shoes were drenched with snow leading to frozen toes. Trust me, snow is good on pictures. It is enjoyable for the first few minutes, and really tough to take for continued periods of time. That's when we met Akhil - I call him mountain's own child. He knew the mountains like none other. He had some bad news for us, that the peak was doubtful if snow persisted. It was so freezing that for a moment I was silently happy at the news and hoping to get back to Sankri and spend the extra day at Mussoorie or dehradun. I was already jotting out plan B in my head. We were soon asked to get out of tents as snow fall intensified and we shifted base to the kitchen, which felt more like a horse stable.
It was the warmest place out there with some fire and a dozen souls around, warming everything from their bodies to their wet socks and shoes. Given a choice would have jumped into the fire, and would have still felt cold. We had a nice 2 hour session around the fire, pulling each others leg and sharing past trek experiences. That was actually when we got to know the gang quite well. I was among the most talkative and probably the loudest too. There were 2 such huts and we started allotting ourselves to the huts and Goldy was in our hut. That was one of the funniest nights in my life- there was place enough for just 3 and 6 of us squeezed in there, sleeping bags added to the space constraint. Couldn't turn left or right, and freezing cold. Lovely moments shared with Rishi, Goldy , Ranjit, Neeru, Giri and the night lamp. We were happily hoping for the peak to get cancelled .. of course one part of us wanted to make it to the peak too, but the larger part didn't want to move an inch forward.
Bir's whistle was supposed to go off at 445am. It was 6 am and no sign of ATLs or TLs or the whistle. The first tea call came and the only update we got was "kuch nahin patha, abhi ke liye chaai pee lo". We were sure that the peak wasn't happening. the four of us were even happy about it, till we stepped out to see what was in store for us. The morning view, clear sky, fresh snow, the leaves drooping , heavy with snow was a sight beyond imagination.
At about 8 Akhil called us and told that we start for the peak - but may not be able to make it, since the weather was unpredictable. The cut off time was 11 30 and no matter where one was, he had to return back at 11 30. The four of us again decided to stay back at base camp and asked SJ - Is there an option to stay back and he smiled and said "No". We reluctantly moved ahead- but instantly felt a voice from within which wanted to reach the peak no matter what. SJ was the sweeper again. Akhil clearly mentioned that only the first few would make it as we had less time. Giri had trouble with shoes - the useless Woodlands had no grip and had the capacity to store litres of water within. He was seemingly frustrated and couldn't keep pace. SJ tried to help and push as much. We kept marching on and there was a wide gap between the first and the last. SJ quitely said "keep moving and overtaking one by one, else you will not make it" - That was quite a boost for me and I started slowly overtaking one after the other and in no time could spot Akhil who, with an axe was carving out route to the peak. At one point I was just marching on and on, like a soulless creature, not looking right or left. The views didn't excite me, the mountains didn't excite me, I just looked down and kept walking. We finally reached the summit where a bunch of us decided to stop, as that it self was an achievement - the KK summit. I waited for a while there, but the leaders were much ahead, marching to the peak. KK summit - was quite a sight. 270 degree view of the Himalayas, many thousands of feet of altitude, chilly winds and a divine and eerie feeling. I was lost there, and I lost the track of the batch ahead. The time was 11.15, and since it was decided that 11 30 would be cut off, I knew i wouldn't make it to the peak, - I had 2 choices. Either stay at the summit and let the feeling of summit sink in, or move ahead, to as far as i can and get back with the rest. I decided the latter and moved ahead. I was alone, as nobody else decided to move on. It looked safe and the path was clear, so I moved on.
The moments to come, were the loneliest, most intriguing and probably the saddest moments of my life. I kept walking, not looking left or right, all alone, with nobody in the near vicinity- nobody to be seen ahead. moving farther away from the people at the summit. I had come quite a long way when I could no longer hear any voice from behind or see anyone ahead. I sat on a rock and turned back and that sight was overwhelming. An almost 360% view of only mountain ranges- body was warm after the continuous trek. But every minute that i stood there, the chilly winds took over and I started freezing. The sound of silence was deafening. I had no watch, no water, just a cadbury to add some energy and I quickly grabbed a bite of that. I marched ahead and something within me told me to stop right there, sit down and enjoy the moment. I sank into a few seconds of deep meditation, and initially my entire life seemed to flash in front of me and very soon a sense of void filled me entirely.
I sat like a stone, not willing to move one inch forward. The peak was within sight, but I didn't want to move. I still don't know what made me stop there - one was I was sure it was past 11 30 and the batch ahead were on their way back and hence decided to atleast sit there alone, and let it pass, for I shall never get such a moment of solitude in such ambiance, ever again in my life. So I waited and waited for the batch to return, but they didn't. I tried screaming at Bir and the others at the summit, to find out if I had more time to go up further, but none could hear. Finally I saw SJ and Harshad, who were sweepers running towards me. I couldn't imagine one could even run in such terrain. They made it look as if there were running on a cricket ground, so easy, so effortless. Apparently SJ had never done KK peak and being the sweeper he reached the summit last. With little time in hand, he wanted to give one last shot at the peak. When he reached me, he asked "do you want to come?" - for some reason I could see the look of longing in his face to make it to this peak and I didn't want to be the sole reason to break his pace. I could definitely not run as fast as he did. For my selfish interest of moving ahead, I didn't want to deprive him and decided not to go ahead. I gave him a fake answer " I am happy here.. please proceed fast". He asked me again, but I refused. I will probably regret that answer of mine forever. Even if i do other peaks, I will regret this, for I am not sure I will do the KK peak again. Going back, he disappeared in a flash, and I was happy at that moment that I took the right decision of not slowing him down. I was again lonely, this time, a little deprived too, and a little confused of whether I lost an opportunity. I waited and it seemed like forever before Kiran and Rishi appeared. They reached me and said I should move on and not wait. They said that I probably wouldn't lose anything, and could try to reach as far as I could. I decided to move on now, since I had spent enough time with myself and the mountains. We hit upon one huge rock which was tricky to cross. Kiran crossed it with some difficulty. I didn't know Kiran was an ex-IPS. I thought if 50 yr old Kiran could cross, I could easily do it. Only when I went near that rock did I see that it was a narrow stretch with a fall on the other side, and rocks below with no snow. The fall looked as deep as the entire 12000ft and my heart started beating hard. Nobody to give me a hand, nobody to guide on what was the route to take on that rock, where to place the foot, where to hold.. I tried reaching out to the drier, less mossy parts of the rock and for a second, my feet slipped and my heart stopped beating. All I could see was my 1.5yr old son's face in front of me, and my entire life rewound in a flash. Logic sunk into my head and I decided not to move another inch forward. Without looking down, I clung on to the rock like a parasite and moved side wards till where I could feel safe ground underneath. The next few minutes , I don't recollect what happened- I was just happy I was alive, I could see the peak a few feet ahead, but that point was my peak, my ultimate moment in life. I closed my eyes, as I was scared to even look down, descend or keep one step down. I don't recollect what transpired then, All I remember was Akhil holding my hand and storming down to the summit. Akhil was my God for the next few minutes - I placed my feet wherever he placed his, I held on to him like I held on to my life and in seconds I was halfway down to the KK base camp. The descend was rather slippery, but easy. We tried sliding many a times, but fresh snow made it impossible. Thanks to Subin, - we shamelessly made him carve the path for several slides. Bulky that he was, he made the snow underneath harden, and easy for the rest of us to slide down :).
Upon reaching base camp, the staff surprised us with a lovely home made cake, congratulating the team on making it to the summit.
We immediately packed our bags and left for JKD. This again seemed so quick and short. That night at JKD so much easier, we had acclimatized to the weather and altitude. It didn't feel cold anymore. I knew exactly what to eat, how much to drink and my body worked like a clock!. The last day was rather sad, since we knew we were hours away from mobile phones ringing. When we reached Sankri, the IH team had a surprise certificate ceremony. This was the moment which I probably will never forget in my life.
First, after the certificates, one person (dont recollect the name) gave a short closing speech. That was probably the most touching speech I've ever listened to in my life. Trying to recollect in as many words possible "KK is just the beginning, there is so much more ahead of you - Roopkund, Rupin, Stok, Everest.. It is not about trekking. It is about spending some time for yourself. In another few hours all of you will be busy typing on laptops and mobile phones.. at the age of 70 you will be walking around with a bag of medicines. Try to take 20 mins out in a day and run. you need not trek, but remember to keep fit all your life,, enjoy".
Post that they had a special badge ceremony for those who touched the peak. I felt so terrible at that moment. I was so close, yet so far. Sheer lack of communication and judgement stood in the path of me and the peak. One part of me said " Trek is more the journey, than the destination" but clearly the other part weighed more which kept reminding me of how close I was to the peak. If only I had said yes to SJ , he would have helped me cross that rock. If only I had not thought so much and just moved on with him.. If only I could shout loud enough for Bir to hear and give a go ahead in terms of cut off time..So many If onlys between the peak and me.. A huge lump in my throat that I couldn't express, nor hide. It will remain within me forever. Don't think I will become a trekker in my life - I may do one or two treks more, or maybe more thereafter. But I will never forget or forgive this first trek.
