I return to my blogspot after 2 years. I have started resorting to blogging only to share the deepest or most overwhelming experiences of my life these days, the last one being Bhargav's accident. This time around, it is the loss of a dear one. I still refuse to believe the person is not around anymore. RC.. a larger than life person, my dearest peripa. My memories of RC date back to early 90s when I was a kid, probably in class 2 or 3. In those days of truly middle class living, denied of favorite toys, discouraged to eat out, deprived of silver screen, my brother and I and the other cousins would eagerly wait for holidays to either gather in chromepet, which used to be the hub for cousins, or wait for RCs family to visit us. RC almost became synonymous to fun, for all of us. There is nothing he denied us kids in those days. Despite his hectic schedule as a marketing professional in IOC, he made sure he made the time to compulsorily take us to the beach, any 4/5 star hotel for dinner, night shows, theme parks or the best of whatever any town we were in could offer - from Rock Fort- Palimar - Thillai Nagar restaurantsin Trichy to Lalbagh-Mysore in Bangalore to Jalakandeshwarar - my first Ford Ikon drive Vellore to Bangalore - and the list goes on. There is a fine line between spending money and sharing happiness, and RC clearly believed in the latter. As I grew older, I also grew fonder of him, fonder to him. He considered me as another daughter, and he was quite vocal about it too. After we moved to Calcutta, we met less often. My fondest memory is my Badri Kedar trip with him, and Subhas wedding, which remains one of my best wedding moments ever where all the cousins gathered in Chromepet, Peripa in his best health and office tenure, Chromepet house just renovated. Peripa got Varsha to home deliver all his latest collections for us to choose from.. he truly made me feel so special, like a princess. He always believed in the best, quickest, most convenient, most pleasurable solution for himself and the people around him. It was only after his VRS, that I first saw him think twice before spending. In 2002 we moved back to Chennai for my college. RC helped us find a house in Kodambakkam, roam around the college streets of Chennai helping me find an admission. I can never forget the 2 days in the summer of May 2002 when I was all alone in Chennai trying to get a TC for college admissions running from pole to post around Madras University .. he didn't have the money or influence to get around things way past his VRS, but what never changed was his heart to help, to share, to go the extra mile in caring for me when he accompanied me despite the sweltering heat and his ill health. Was I so special to him? I would love to think so, but I guess such was his nature, that he would have done anything for anyone who came to him asking for help. And trust me, that is not normal character for a tambram upbringing in a lower middle class family. I have come a long way since then. When I started earning in 2008, i booked an Alto on the second day of joining work when I didn't even know how to drive a car in Chennai. RC came to take delivery of the car, and my first drive in Chennai was with him, and I can never forget how proud he felt about my driving skills as i took him around Chennai along the narrow lanes of Madipakkam to Velachery to Chromepet. It has been no looking back since then. God has been kind to me in giving me all the health and wealth i needed to live life to my fullest, and I promise to RC, to continue living my life this way. We shared so many attributes, starting from resemblance to character, in the way we looked at life, in the way we wanted to enjoy every moment, in our erratic way of walking, talking, short temper, experimental nature, love for shopping, love for eating and trying out new restaurants, love for movies, love for documentaries, love for each other beyond words. I cant recall the number of occasions when I'd book a night show in Udayam/Satyam/AVM (Palazzo, inox hadn't come back then), and he'd take a bus all the way from Chromepet just for the fun of watching a movie together. Those were truly my best days with RC- 2008-2010. He was not pious or a firm believer in rituals/God etc. But his love for Anjaneya was so genuine, in the way he would connect with Him straight from his heart, in the way he would visit Namakkal, Luz, Nanganallur without fail, in the way he would narrate his childhood episodes of preparing only 4 topics for an exam and praying to Him that only those 4 would be asked in the question paper.... a love so genuine, I realized only in the end, after he was gone. I moved to Bangalore in 2010 and thanks to Uma being in Bangalore, I still got to meet him quite often, but for very brief visits over lunch at her place. I remember him fondly calling Bhargav G as Bhargavji. He called me for all his phone, Uber, insurance, email, internet, credit card, banking doubts... At times I used to feel a little frustrated, but now i realise the liberty he took in approaching me for any of his problems showed how much he considered me as his own. After moving back to Chennai in 2014, I was either too starved of time or too lazy, that i never found enough time or motivation to make a visit regularly to that side of town. I am sure he was slightly upset that I never took Giri for a proper lunch to his house. All our meetings in Chennai were more a part of a larger wedding or gathering. Time flew and he started developing health issues. We always knew he had cardiac problems, and Uma moving to Porur was a boon for him to regularly get his stent fixed, checked. He was an extremely careful person when it came to health, fitness, diet, discipline. As much as he enjoyed his youth over fun, food and drinks, he focused on morning walks, his trademark RC More (health buttermilk), tablets and check ups in later days. It was not before September/Oct 2017 that i remember him really complain of ill health which impeded normal lifestyle. Things turned worse too soon for him when he complained of wheezing issues, digestive issues. Even then the energy within him drove him to consult multiple best doctors, multiple opinions and reassure his cardiac health. It was only by November that his Liver turned out to be the culprit all along, the silent monster. Even then I never took it seriously for oldage had to dawn someday. It was only at Bhagyam athai's husbands funeral that I saw an RC I could never forget. A face so shrunk, a belly so bulged and swollen, a speech so unclear, and a willpower and courage so lost and gone. He seemed to have lost the battle already. It was then that it really struck me that he was not the RC i have known all these years... and will never probably return to his original self again. It was only followed by multiple tests, scans, opinions all contradictory, but none with a better prognosis. I knew it was a matter of a few months. I remember a phone call when I asked him to be happy, confident, and try to enjoy the days. I asked him to come back and that I'd take him to movies again. I almost choked as I spoke, but in his unclear voice and tone, I could feel him trying to smile, feeling happy that i called.... On Dec 18, he was supposed to get discharged after the first round of fluid removal. He never came back from the hospital. I rushed to the hospital to see the nurses trying to stack cotton buds down his throat and nose. I could not draw myself together that moment to see him lay like that on the bed, not moving, not complaining, not calling my name, his belly still swollen. Before getting admitted he wanted me to buy him a couple of shorts from Gr8 buys. Thankfully i had an intuition that i shouldn't delay and immediately got him his shorts, and he was wearing it when he was in the hospital. that is what he took along when he moved from this world to the brighter world, the only material testimony of my subtle bonding with him. I felt immensely guilty of postponing my hospital visits thinking he would definitely return home where i could see him at leisure. In hindsight, I wish i had spoken one last time. I don't know how much I will miss his voice, him addressing me as sowmi.. sowmyaji.. I will remember every moment of the last rites, the cremation, people taking him away in a van .. but what i will remember most are the moments i saw him in the hospital, when he was just declared dead. Those few moments when he didn't look like he was gone. I was not scared to touch his cheeks, his face, his legs, trying and hoping earnestly that from somewhere life would creep in and his eyes would open again. Not wishing he lived longer to go through the pain that cancer would have inflicted on him, but just wishing he spoke to me one last time and then passed away. No other death has affected me so much in all my life so far. I know this is the first of more to come. My first experience of loss, the loss of a very dear one, a friend, an inspiration, a father... for all the love that he showed to Anjaneya, he embraced you on his birthday, HanumatJayanthi 18 Dec 2017, to relieve you of all pain, hardship, trouble, amidst the presence of all your near and dear ones, your beloved brothers, your kids, your friends. For all the goodness and love that you showered during your time on earth, am sure you are booked in a premium luxury suite up there, with access to the best food and wines on the planet, in the lap of your beloved valambal. You will be missed RC.
