Magical moments

Of late, I see myself diving into thoughts concerning human relationships and the purpose of our existence on earth. I know it sounds too deep to be true, but I see a visible difference in my attitude towards life and all that it brings with it. Unfortunately enough, I also see myself getting lesser excited about the small things, that used to make my day. I tend to look at the bigger picture in everything I see or do. Missing a last minute show, or backing out of a trip with friends, or skipping a dinner out with colleagues don’t make me as upset as they used to, before. Nothing really upsets me anymore for that matter. The alternate is never too bad for me and I seem happy enough to settle for it. Maybe it’s the marriage effect, maybe it’s the fact that the number of people that have entered into my life to occupy very significant positions have instantaneously doubled in just a span of a few months. If I could address my pre marriage life as “past”, and the other as “post”, all of a sudden I feel as though the past is fading away and I am too inextricably tied up with the post. It makes me feel as if my parents have entered a new leg of their lives, and every passing day increases the fear of the lesser time I have with me to spend with them. Sometimes I feel I have so much ahead of me to go and grab, so much to learn at work, so much to make out of the available time in hand, so much to achieve and by the time I come out of that thought or dream, I realize this world is so small and the time is so little. I don’t know why I started off on such a heavy note, which was never the intention of this post. Nevertheless, last weekend I had the chance of singing with my music gang at a function in tanjore. I had no clue how much I missed going to the music practice sessions, endless food and gossip and of course music. Quite sad that I couldn’t participate as much in the post as in the past. So when this date fell on a weekend, that too an offsite event, I couldn’t miss it for anything under the sun. This post is not to describe the trip as such, but deserves a few words on it. The function was good, the dip in the Cauvery was fun, so was the museum and manmadan ambu. We share a special chemistry between us, and it’s just not possible to confine it to a few words. As all good things had to come to a close, we started on our way back. My train was at 7.15 to bangalore, rockfort, in which the rest of the gang were to leave , was at 8.30 and my amma appa had to leave by the 10pm train to chennai. We got late in leaving from home, and hence I could not join the gang for dinner. Thus, the plan was to drop me off at the station and then the rest would go for dinner. Suddenly it dawned on me that I was not returning home with amma appa. In all these 25 years, there has not been a trip where we departed together, but headed to different destinations. It was really heavy to see my parents stay back in the van when I had to get dropped at the station. With a mixed feeling I grabbed a bite of dinner at a nearby stall and headed towards my platform , with 10 mins to go for the mayiladuthurai-mysore express to arrive. There was no way they would finish dinner and come in time to see me off. Usha aunty joined me as she was prohibited from having outside food for a few days for some ritualistic reasons. She and I were yapping about some random topic, waiting for the train to come. The train arrived on time, 7:10 and was to leave at 7:15. I found my seat and placed my luggage there and came out to continue my discussion with her till the train actually left. The wait seemed unusually long and I realized the train was actually delaying its departure. The 5 min supposed halt became 10 and then 15, when my dad called to say they had left the hotel and were almost reaching the station. A sudden craving to see my mom one more time before I left, had flooded my heart. Got to know the train had to wait till another oncoming train could reach the tanjore station, and thereby clear the path, which was a single track. I prayed for every minute to be longer than 60 secs and wished and prayed for the oncoming train to take a few more mins to arrive. Usha aunty was constantly talking about some issue, but my mind was all focused on the two trains: one next to me, and the one whose arrival would mean my train’s departure. I suddenly heard a horn, a loud one and felt all the adrenaline rush into my head. For a moment I was happy that It was not my trains’ signal to leave, but the very next moment I was sad as I realized the other train was fast approaching the station. I immediately heard my phone ring. It was my dad telling me that they had reached the station. I didn’t have much time with me as the route was now clear and my train would signal its departure any moment. I was sure my mom wouldn’t make it in time to collect her luggage from the van and reach my platform, and my coach. For a moment I actually thought “I wish I could see her once before I leave.. if I do.. god is great”. It was past 7:25, a 10 minute delay already, and this is not a usual affair for short distance trains. Alas, I heard my train honk, as loud as possible, and I couldn’t believe I had to board the train without seeing my mom. It started moving, faster than a train would usually move after a halt, or so it seemed to me. I then said to myself, that this was not my last journey, and that I was to see her the very next weekend for new years’. And I got onto the moving train, stood at the doorstep, and looked out for one last time to see I could spot her in the crowd. The train was moving faster and I couldn’t see anyone. When I was almost about to turn back and head towards my seat, I saw someone running at an unusually fast pace towards me.. it was my mom. I yelled out at her so that she could spot me. She was running aimlessly along with the running train hoping to catch a glimpse, not even knowing my coach number. Thankfully she heard me too and stopped after she saw me .. I screamed at her asking her to stop running and then waved a goodbye. I could see her smile, panting her soul away, and waving a goodbye. We waved at each other till we got smaller and smaller and out of sight in the end. I just stood there for a while, stunned at how beautiful life was. It seemed as though the train waited just for me. Just enough for us to see each other, not more, not less, and that was all I had asked and wished for. I started to believe, if we actually wish for something from the deepest and truest of our hearts, it cannot possibly be denied by anybody. My eyes were filled with tears as I realized how much we loved each other, and how it was growing exponentially, especially in the “post”. I went back to my seat, and as I wiped my cheeks, I got a call from Giri who was waiting for me to get back, and called to say how much he missed me the last 2 days. I immediately smiled at the thought of yet another new day ahead. I fell in love with life all over again. Now when I pen this post, I feel aimless again, but I know that this shall pass. Time is too strange to comprehend..

Memories

We get attached to a lot of people in every phase of our life. It came as a great revelation to me when, a couple of weeks back, I realized I missed 2 things almost as much as I would have missed my closest pals or even relatives:my mobile number and my outlook inbox. While I was extremely excited on acquiring a new connection in Bangalore and was even more elated on the fact the last 4 digits were the same as my previous number, hardly did i realize that the first 6 digits would make its exit so obviously felt. I did have 2 mobile phones to keep the old number as much active as possible. It was like having a patient on ventilator support... and slowly see the breath fade away into nonexistence. My near and dear ones started reaching me on my new number and needless to say, all that remained was the aircel roaming alerts, "welcome to karnataka..", "TD - Ten Downing alerts - Rave night.. or ladies night", or some weird messages on ways to find the perfect soul mate. Nevertheless, I would switch on the dilapidated old mobile every morning to see if there was any new message for me on my chennai number. Alas!! none but the alerts would pop up. Finally when pragmatism won over sentiment, I chose to pull the plug, as I would otherwise have to keep paying the monthly rentals to have it active (something i hate about postpaid connections). Days after switching over to the new number, I still inadvertantly filled up the old number in all the bank opening forms etc and ended up signing everywhere i had to make the change. I think I will slowly try and erase it from my memory, but I must admit, its not going to be that easy.
9841549617.. you will fondly be remembered...all the random messages, conversations, contacts built, interview calls attended, bulk sms's sent, credit card calls, night long chats with friends, fights/making ups, lost and found, ... and so on and so forth. 2003 - 2010. Amen!!!
My office outlook express (referred to as OE hereafter) is nowhere close to my mobile number, in terms of the attachment quotient, but it definitely is the second best non-human aspect of my life to have affected me the most during its departure. The last 30 months were predominantly centered around this tool. My day would begin with the OE loading itself and showering surprises and exclamations and frustrations by filling my inbox with mails from friends, bosses, and clients (respectively :P). I press the send/receive button atleast a million times in a day and Deepti willl vouch for the same. It gives me undescribable pleasure in seeing the sending/receive bar inch towards 100% thereby filling my inbos with new mails or leaving me disappointed with no new updates. Either which ways, I religiously press the F9 button before, after and during a particular task , or once in every 2 mins, whichever is of lesser duration. As my association with Irevna grew thicker more than 50% of the time spent was on either checking or replying to mails. And for every new acquiantance made, the friends list would grow exponentially thereby resulting in innumerable chains of mails and forwards. Beginning from credit card payment alerts, to training reminders, to work reminders, to birthday reminders, my OE calendar played the role of a non-human secretary. It didnt wake me up in the morning because my company didnt have the policy of granting web access and I dont think I oculd wake up to mail reminders. I would laboriously archive each and every mail sent, thinking sometime in future, I could read them and smile in hindsight. When the time came for me to bid farewell, and as I deleted every folder in my inbox, I could feel my heart sink. The worst feeling was when I was allotted a new system in my new company with a blank OE, I could not bear to see an empty inbox, nor could I digest the fact that as I typed a few alphabets in the To tab, no addresses popped out.. For a moment, I felt as if I lost not only the OE, but all my friends in it, all the contacts in it.. and everything attached to all of it.It felt like starting a life all over again. I still mail the old gang from my new mail ID, but it is never the same and will never be the same again.
sowmyar@irevna.com April 2008 - September 2010: great memories to cherish, innumerable mails, letters, reminders, chats, party planners, attachments, F9's, recalls.. and so on and so forth..
A lot of these tools in our lives become so inseparable from our system, that only when they depart, do we actually realize that they were no less human than the ones around us.
Life is beautiful.

GOL

I am writing this post out of immense frustration and disappointment. All my futile attempts to shed some extra pounds from whichever part of my body have driven me crazy. I am starting to feel heavy and rotund, like an over stuffed Mac'd burger oozing out cheese and sauce from all sides. Clothes are the biggest gift to mankind; i realized that recently, thanks to the trial rooms of major malls which ensure you have many sleepless nights ahead, by installing mirrors on all 4 possible sides, which tend to read "objects appearing in the mirror seem bigger than what they actually are". They enlighten the self by clearly portraying the rear picture, which hitherto was quite non-existent in the list of mental worries. Climbing 8 stairs to work, drinking hot water with honey and lemon first up in the morning, drinking 8 glasses of water a day, walking brusquely, avoiding too much cheese, eating fruits... ZILCH. NADA. No effect whatsoever. I have even tried reading up on "how to lose weight in 7 days" and fantasizing about the possible results. Even that didn't seem to work for me. I think I will give it one last shot and try enrolling for the 3 month package in the gym which shares its compound wall with my house!!! I have exactly 2 months to go .. if nothing works, i target at making my better half fat. But then, i will still be round, rounder .. oops hunger bells ring and its time for lunch. Hopefully in the next post the author is a few pounds lighter.

dazed

jan 31.. yes
Feb 1 - maybe
Feb 2 - No
Feb 2 again - Yes
Feb 3 - Sealed...