Lesser mortals

When asked to drop them for the vittaldas bhajan I shrugged a bit and then agreed to, and ended up sitting through it. It was not my kind of thing to be doing- or so i thought. I felt external manifestation of devotion is a farce, till I realized that it was the safest thought to help lead a selfish life without being accused of irreverance or blasphemy. I still do not buy the logic behind some orthodox beliefs and practices in the name of god. But at the same time, I have grown to realise that I have been taking Him for granted. One should either be an atheist or a believer and there are no two ways about it. Seeking His help when need be and assuming that the other conscious acts of sin during the 'not so needy' times will be pardoned, shows how small a man can be ... and yet he is forgiven. I have been attending the morning Harinamasankeertanams - bhajan like (for those who are not aware of the terminology) during the December music season at Chennai. What began as an involuntary participation turned out to be quite blissful as time passed. I still dont believe the thousands who gather there, physically absolved of all dirt, are pure at heart or even anywhere close to it. But when He (vittaldas), not a singer from any plausible angle, renders some pieces and has the crowd rechanting the same after him, he sure does make an impact on even the least mortals sitting out there, pretending to not be affected by the ambience- like me. For that 60 odd mins, the world around me seemed like ether. No sooner did I proclaim staunch disbelief in such public devotional discourses than I realised my lips had already started singing after him. I am not pious.. I dont think I will ever be.

I dont know what reason each one has to offer when they gather there at 6am every morning. For me, its simple. When I sing aloud along with the million others, I feel I vent out all my sadness, happiness, frustration, pain .. joy.. no matter whatsoever. Amidst the crowd I enjoy my solitude. I do not know what bhakti means to others. For me it is starting to define a new trajectory. The more I spend time in such activities, the more i start respecting my inner conscience. Sometimes I feel I should stop it, for I have started to fear my inner conscience. Dont really have the guts to take it 'for granted' anymore. I have been selfish all through. I still am.

Following has been borrowed from another source:

'the only kingdom that runs on right and wrong is the kingdom of heaven and the kingdoms of the earth run on oil.To know the truth is one thing. To live it ..to create the kingdom of heaven on earth is another. How many times in a man's life does he do things that are repulsive to his morality in order to exist? How I have admired those few men in this world who would stand up for their convictions in the face of shame, torture and even death. What a wonderful feeling of inner peace they must have. Something that we ordinary mortals can never have.'